3 posts tagged “pain”

(This has also been posted to the public part of my Vox site)

What I have been hinting at in the "Changes" and "End of the line" posts are a divorce.

I do not wish to talk about all the reasons, but dh and I are moving towards a divorce. At this time it looks like I will be moving back to Denmark and try to re-start my life there. Some people have told me that I could stay here in the US and as much as I like that idea I don't think I am strong enough personally to do it. I don't have any family, have never worked, never got a drivers license etc.

In Denmark I do have a little bit of family left, though it isn't much and I can get a lot more public support than I would ever be able to get here in the US.

My head understand the reasons, though my heart is so far from acceptance and understanding as it can be. Maybe one day I will get the two to meet somewhere in the middle, but it is not going to be today or anytime soon.

I am hoping that maybe one day I will be able to cry tears and find relief and some kind of healing. Right now I do cry on and off but there is no healing and no relief. Nothing but pain and hurt and fear.

Fear for the unknown that is my future, fear that I will not be able to get on my feet again, fear that I will become too great a burden while staying with my brother and his girl friend, fear of loneliness, fear of never finding love for myself and someone else, just plain raw fear.

Ugh guess I should not have tried so hard to get used to those few cooler and comfortable days we've had, because it is now back to being hot and humid. Needless to say I am so looking forward to winter like temperatures. I do not do well with mid-west summer and early fall like temperatures at all.

Did not get a single thing done over Labor day, other than the usual day to day housework stuff. At least hubby did not take any of the over time, so that is a good thing.

Don't have much to say right now. Am still having a few neck/back problems which leaves my time on the computer pretty limited.

That is the only way I can describe going through 24 or so hours of the worst muscle tension and head ache I have ever had. Seems like no matter what I (or hubby did) the pain and tension just would not let up. Finally after 3 doses of advil, some of that miracle blue ointment and naps things started to turn around.

This morning I am feeling better. Sleep wasn't all that good though. Woke up a couple of times because my neck muscles obviously thought I had been in the same position for too long and the last time I woke up a certain orange and fuzzy member of the household thought it was time. It wasn't even 7am yet. Guess it thought I had relaxed enough yesterday.

No real plans for today other than some minor running around town to do stuff we did not get done yesterday.