Sara's blatherings

I have a confession to make.

Today I used my deco scissors. You know the ones that cut everything but a straight line and that no one likes to admit they own or use.

They're fun, gives a different look and it is a lot faster than setting up the electronic die cutter. I own them and I use them when the project calls for it.

(This has also been posted to the public part of my Vox site)

What I have been hinting at in the "Changes" and "End of the line" posts are a divorce.

I do not wish to talk about all the reasons, but dh and I are moving towards a divorce. At this time it looks like I will be moving back to Denmark and try to re-start my life there. Some people have told me that I could stay here in the US and as much as I like that idea I don't think I am strong enough personally to do it. I don't have any family, have never worked, never got a drivers license etc.

In Denmark I do have a little bit of family left, though it isn't much and I can get a lot more public support than I would ever be able to get here in the US.

My head understand the reasons, though my heart is so far from acceptance and understanding as it can be. Maybe one day I will get the two to meet somewhere in the middle, but it is not going to be today or anytime soon.

I am hoping that maybe one day I will be able to cry tears and find relief and some kind of healing. Right now I do cry on and off but there is no healing and no relief. Nothing but pain and hurt and fear.

Fear for the unknown that is my future, fear that I will not be able to get on my feet again, fear that I will become too great a burden while staying with my brother and his girl friend, fear of loneliness, fear of never finding love for myself and someone else, just plain raw fear.

As some of you probably know the area I'm living in, is currently the subject of massive flooding. Flooding which is being termed historic and which could surpass or reach flooding as seen in the last 500 years.

That is big. Really big. A local news paper is the best resource for area images and latest news.

Right now I'm so very, very happy that hubby and I decided to stay in Marion when we were looking at houses. I don't think I could have dealt with having to sandbag and a potential evacuation at the same time.

Someone please remind to try and plan ahead a little bit next time I get crafty ideas?

I just dumped a load of coffee grounds which I could have used to do the aging on some card stock and paper I wanted to work with tonight. Now I have to wait until tomorrow instead. Probably better though, but damnit I wanted to do the aging tonight so it could dry overnight and I could work on my project tomorrow in between doing laundry and other fun housework type stuff.

I have no clue what is going to happen today.

What's on your "To-Do" list today? What are you most looking forward to and what are you most dreading?

I don't have anything in particular on that list. There is the usual bit of house work and cooking. I would like to add a bit of paper crafting to the list, but right now the weather is not very predictable so I might end up not doing anything at all.

I am never looking forward to the house work aspect of my daily to-do list. Thankfully though, I have gotten to the point where things are kept mostly to a dull roar and nothing sits there like a mountain in the road laughing at me.

So we were supposed to have several watches and warnings throughout the night. I do not think we had any thunder, but did get a bit of rain and from the look of the side yard a lot of wind too.

But that was not what made the night interesting. It was one set of neighbors across the street and hubby was thisclose to call the cops on them too. A lot of yelling and screaming, someone backing out of the driveway and hitting another car (belonging to that house) setting off the car alarm and more yelling and screaming.

Opps. Did not realize that I hadn't updated over here on the contract issue.

The contract didn't turn out too bad. Things could have been better, but they could also have been a LOT worse than they turned out. Basically no real significant changes for hubby.

Lots of other things going on that I don't really feel like talking about in public to everyone and their grandma.

Tomorrow is contract day and I'm not really looking forward to it. I think both hubby and I are expecting it be shitty and people to be too chicken to stand up and say hell no you guys better get back to the table and negotiate something better.

I really, really hope there is room for a good surprise but I don't expect it.

Hoping this weekend will be quiet and as normal as anything can be around here. Really need not having to worry and concentrate about outside issues. Hubby and I need time to just be and be us for a while.